Surfaces 6

Surfaces 5

Home, Knowledge, Love, and Words: I place them to rest on my mantle piece. Today will be the last day of many endings to come. Thirty three years and one third of them wasted in hospitals, watching the suffering on my parent's faces move closer to their inevitable deaths. Now it is my turn, no one is listening, and in this quiet, I can lay down and then perhaps move forward. One small nap, a bottle of pills, and the inevitable silence that comes with deep seeded longing. An end that surmounts to nothing other than its very finale. If God couldn't grant me my wishes, I will lay myself to rest. Suffer the consequences in due time, away from the hell of solitude and sickness.

Surfaces 4

God doesn't listen to the whining of common Man or anything for that matter, though she whined incessantly, her whining was the closest thing she had to prayer, and oh how she could pray. Convulsing, she could pour the desperation of being alone into an empty sink and fill it whole. This wasn't loneliness alone, and though she blamed everything on her isolation from Man, there was the small problem of being sick. A cancer survivor at the ripe age of 33, her body had failed her, companionship being the cost of ten years of sickness, her parents no longer breathing, she found herself alone at an age which proved even more difficult to conquer. Not in her twenties anymore, she didn't have the luxury of proximity to youth as an excuse. The poetry books she read all a minor reflection of life being lived, something she couldn't fathom.

I have learned and dismantled all the words in order to draw from them a 
   single word: Home.

 Mahmoud Darwish

Nothing exists as a block
and cannot be parceled up.
So if nothing's ventured
it's not just talk

Kay Ryan 

I love you, I said. 
That's very nice, he said 
I like to be loved, 
that makes me happy. 
Have you cut off your hands yet?

Marge Piercy

      I release the earth and I imprison the skies.  I fall down in order to stay faithful to 
the light, in order to make the world ambiguous, fascinating, changeable, dangerous, in 
order to announce the steps beyond.
     The blood of the gods is still fresh on my clothes.  A seagull's scream echoes 
through my pages.  Let me just pack up my words and leave.

Adonis                

Surfaces 3

The table top is neatly set and the table sheets all but sparkling white with the reminder of my absent guests. Alone again watching the table cloth, and pondering the same thoughts over and over again, as if I could discover the meaning of life alone. Narrating, narrating in desperation, perhaps the very act could fuse the gaps of my life together. No fuss required, I am static in a world that is motion. If ever you read this, know that you did this to me. You carved wisdom out of ignorance and required a resolution that would in its effect end my forward march. Complete what you have started, end me.

Surfaces 2

Her name is not a mystery to anyone, though no one can exactly remember it. They leave her to her loneliness, as if that were her only crime. No sentiment or disappointment ensues, in fact there is nothing but the blankness of knowing that somewhere along the way she existed as more than a phantom being. She had soul and once upon a time her life sung songs from fairy tales that know no other tune than those of happy endings. And no one quite understood what made her retreat, no one could fathom why someone with such positivity would cave to the darkness that lives in the corners of ones eyes. 

Surfaces

It's not that being alone is a problem for her, though sometimes she fears it more than she fears death itself, it's that recently she is alone all the time, like the walls have been drawn upon by her own solitude. Though there is beauty in her drawings, they are dark, as if blackness were not bleak, her drawings reap of the memories of the people she once knew. Their glaring eyes upon her, she sees their gazes as judgment of her fault. Faulty in every way, her failures stack upon each other like dirty dishes. Those looks are her own souls gaze at itself, they speak volumes of regret and disappointment. Sadly failure was never an option and now that it's a reality, she has dislodged from living to live in peace.